The Need To Have A Baby...

JOWLERS.... can i first say, great response yesterday to the blog, i hope you liked it enough to come back again today and see what mystical thoughts pollute my brain.


Babies At 16/17


This is a subject that isn’t close to my heart, I’m more or less likely to finish this blog entry with, but do what you want I don’t care. Still I think that I need to feed you with my opinion on this subject as there is a lot of comedy to unveil.

There is a reason to why I’ve picked on this subject, your thinking

‘Wow, he’s gone from talking casually and abusively about Bruno Mars, to a hard hitting subject like teenage pregnancy...’

But it’s not an attempt to become more intellectual or political.....I’ve watched Coronation Street last night and I've seen a lovely story line involving two minors deciding to have a baby. That’s right the loveable ginger runt..... Chesney Battersby-Brown, whose clearly punched way above his weight yet landed Katy Armstrong, have decided to have a lovely little baby. Here is the lovely couple.....

Look at them, young love and all that, falling for each other, dropping out of school, dropping their trousers and why because they’re of a similar age and they live on the same street. There’s no other reason than this. Now I’m not a huge Corrie watcher, more of an EastEnders man......for one reason and one reason only Max Branning.... Legend.... but we’ll talk about him another time, so I don’t know the whole story behind this particular story line but from what I heard last night, she wants to have a baby and he basically went, you really want this don’t you....don’t you....okay we’ll have a baby. 

There is where my dad and I looked at each other in disgust and I thought gonna blog about that shit. Now before I get

‘don't have a go at people having baby’s, I’ve just had a baby....’

That is fantastic and i’ll be the first on this blog to say CONGRATULATIONS.... well done on shitting a bowling ball...i couldn’t do it, in fact I don’t think any man could. I thought I prolapsed once and I was sat on the floor in my shower rocking at the idea alone. Wasn’t even a prolapse, just one of those shits that feel almost spiky, like you’ve been eating Lego. Any way, that got me, let alone an actual child..... so well done, be proud....... for taking a massive baby like shit. 

What I’m saying is why so young? why are you in such a rush to have a baby at 17 (or younger)? Teen age pregnancies happen, all over the world, there would have been a time when they would have been acceptable, but I’m talking like early man, stone age, up to Roman times....(Victorian era....just straight up slut if you get pregnant at that point, not sure on details from Romans to Victorians.... a lot could of happened between then, yeah slut, put in a work house, your kid is likely to become a thief, get involved with the wrong crowd, oh no wait, that is modern Britain, well not a lot has changed.) but teenage pregnancies do happen. These kids who go out, get leathered on WKD’s and think shall I insert part A into part B and repeat as necessary..... yeah alright and low and behold, nine months later part C costs a lot of money. 

Pretty sure you give it 15 months and Chesney and Katy are going to be regretting their decision on having a baby and be more like this....

(I went for the ginger baby for obvious reasons.)

Why would you want a baby at that age, your still living with your mum and dad, your struggling to make sure they can’t hear you wacking off to one of Charlie Sheens Goddesses, let alone making sure a baby isn’t crying all night long. 

Sure you’re a 16 year old girl, you think you’ve found the love of your life...

(in fact on a side note if there’s any 16 year old girls reading this wanting to get pregnant then read this before you let your man plant his seed)

...You haven’t found the love of your life and if you have, you shouldn’t have to realise it until you’ve hit like the 5/6 year mark in your relationship, once you've matured together, but your only 16, your watching videos like the one below, thinking oh my god he’s so cute...

Yeah he is cute and he’s funny, but that is literally a minute and a half of that childs life your seeing....AND HE’S HIGH. Unless your going to put your baby on Novocaine for like 8 hours a day (which I’m sure would kill it) your not going to have the same result,

In fact, in 12 years, you’ll end up  with this twat...

Nobody wants that, well unless your using him to make you shit loads of money.  But apart from that.... I think I’m alright....cheers.

Why put a sell-by-date on having a baby? I’ve heard people go to me, ‘I want a baby by the time I’m 24’..... I want an Aston Martin by the time I’m 24 it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. What I mean is just let things happen. Believe me when I say, there’s been many a time when I’ve ‘wanted’ something to happen, mainly with girls, it doesn’t happen if you ‘want’ it to happen, it’ll happen if it happens, so just chill out. 

Have a good time with life while you’re young, there will come a time when you have a husband/wife and kids and a mortgage, then it will be hard to have a good time.

JUST HAVE A LAUGH....

i know people like having babies and i can pretty much guarantee you i will be an EPIC dad. I like children, i think they're cool, if you can control them. There was a time when i saw a mother....proberly about 18 in the middle of a shopping centre, just letting her child be sick. It looked like the first time the child had ever been sick, it was in so much shock at what was happening it just stood there being sick down its pink puffa jacket, i couldn't find such an image so i went for a little drawing of the event....

I'm not up to handling that at 17....i was doing that my self at 17 just randomly being sick in public places. 

reasons why I'm well up for having a child.

1. (most important reason) because i'm in love with a sexy ass super model/actress  who is taking home like 1.2 million a year, but now she's well up for having a child. would be like the best child ever, incredible good looking (her) but at the same time, incredible funny and talented (me).
2. I've sort of grown up a bit and being able to read comics in public and play with action figures becomes a bit weird, I have a kid, problem solved. I can paint it's room with Marvel shit all over.
3. Second Player on COD (who i can destroy)
4. Just teach them comedy shit.
5. Train them up.... that's serious there i will not have my kids being like i was at school, if they want to eat they can eat some salad baby!!!! Seriously though gonna get some Adonis DNA in them.
6. To pass on my gene pool to the next generation

But all of these reasons I want to apply when I've matured.... at 17 i could happily read a comic anywhere...it's a little harder now but I still try. Once I'm suited and travelling to work on the train it will be harder still!!!

Okay listen, I'm not slagging off people who have babies, I know people who have babies at my age and they are fantastic mum's. I'm slagging off 16/17 year old KIDS who are going to each other 'Shall we have a baby'......don't force it. if it's meant to happen it will but don't force it at that age.

i want to end on this..... as much as you can battle kids...there always going to bring you down in the end. (i came across this by accident, i felt it needed to be shared)

Peace And Love Jowlers

James

P.S Do what you want i don't actually care.