The Concept Of An Alien Invasion

Jowllleeerrrsss, firstly I want to apologise for how long it has been since I blogged last! Nearly 2 weeks. Honest answer.... I've gone on-line with my X-Box and all I do is sit and play CoD all day. I've had numerous people ask me about the next one;

'When's The Next One Coming Out?? I Need To Read Something!! I Need Something To Take Me Away From The Gamble That Is My Diabetic Life' 

James Tyrrell

'Its A Favourite On My iPad Web Page Now... When's The New One Coming Out'

Stacy Hudson

'Please Tell Me Your Putting A New One Out Soon, I Touch My Self While Reading Them...'

Lucy Dibble

'Stop Writing This Bollocks, It's Shit And No One Cares'

Mark Harris

So get ready.....your about to read something i'm building and hyping up, which is basically the word vomit I'm producing from an over active brain (no normal person should think into stuff as much as i do, your brain will explode). You'll be extremely dissapointed with it and wish you'd spent your time doing something better... but for those of you who love me off enough to care (Mum....Dad, thats for you) here we go...




i recently went to see this here film.

This isn't a film review, purely due to the fact it's been out to long to review it, that would be pointless but what a great little action film. I went in thinking it would be terrible due to all the bad press it got, even though the trailer was really good, and i ended up really liking it. It is action from start to end but it is good action and the story is relatively gripping. However there were a few themes in the film which i thought were interesting talking points and why not bring them up on a lovely blog.


So the scenario....

The Earth Enters Into A World Wide Invasion From An Alien Species....Discuss.

First of all 100% every kid out there wants this to happen. At some point or another they've gone how cool would it be if aliens invaded earth. Well the answer is that it would not be cool. Not at all. 

Lets get a few things straight to start with. Themes and theories of the film Battle: Los Angeles actually made sense.  A lovely group of squid like aliens come down to earth to kill all it's inhabitants and the take it's main resource in this case.....water. The earth is 71% water and if things are coming to get our resources i'm pretty sure it's going to be for the aqua. 


I like water. In the summer after playing tennis or football there is nothing better than a glass of water and in the winter if you heat it up loads and get in it, it can be lovely to jump into for an hour or two. There is no way a bunch of cephalopods (yeah thats science there, means a mollusc which has developed tentacles so....) aren't going to want to come down and splash about a bit. 


Here's a picture of them.

But your thinking to your self....

'Wait a minute James, I can see a figure, sure, but its a bit

 hard to make out...'

So I thought I'd take it upon my self to do a little drawing of these bad boys then we'll take them as the alien that's taking over the planet.

So now you get an idea of what an alien coming to earth is going to look like. Now we can rip it apart. LOOK AT HIM!!!!! he's got no chance really. First of all I'm pretty sure our gravity is going to be an issue for him because he's got tentacles for walking apparatus, the leg to body weight ratio would be impossible to our physics. Although i think the legs (if they worked) would be the biggest problem for us though. Four of them to start with, quicker on the move. Also no one has ever liked a squid kicking them. He hits you with one of them you know it. Although then we move up the body, look at his tiny waste. SNNNAAPPP! easy just like hit him there with something heavy and he'll go down.




Ways Aliens Will Invade. 

Infiltration - okay so there comes a time when aliens come in huge numbers but before any of that they've infiltrated us via numerous secret missions. So basically walking among us now are many aliens and we don't even know it, either they've got some sort of masking technology or they look like humans....

these are my potential undercover aliens;

So were essentially looking for plain weird and he looks plain weird. A bit like one of the ghost twins from the matrix, however also like a vampire from twilight....shitty vampires. Key areas to look out for, distinctive cheek bones, dark eyes and pale skin. 

Eccentrics.....which this guy clearly is. First of all it's like his head wants to go bald but the hair is just hiding behind his forehead, hoping that his eyes and brain wont clock on. Obviously been tanning as well which is unneeded. Also something else you should know....Tsoukalos here, specialises in ancient astronaut theory (click on the link to find out what that is....i'll let you be the judge then) all i'll say is Bragging????


Now on a serious note if aliens did exist we wouldn't know about them! they would be so far advance they would find ways to either make us think they're not there, with cunning disguises like this.

(Genuine Disguise Mel Gibson Tried To Get Away With, Not A Film, Real Life)

...so i wouldnt worry about it, as long as you dont pose a massive threat to their attack, then you'll be fine they'll let you go on your way. However have an anti-Spaceship rocket launcher in your house they may be looking for you.

Colonisation - Basically they come in a massive hoard of alien ships, we're talking Independence Day, War Of The Worlds, Battle LA type of thing.

There would first of all be scouts. UFO's being spotted over the past 50 years could be evidence of this. Problem is if UFO's were entering the atmosphere the likelyhood of you having a camera, having time to shoot it or it sticking around long enough would be mental odds. Not Going To Happen. Therefore we get things like this....

Or This.... 

These guys (British guys as well, just such a shit effort.) have gone in their garden with a saucepan and gone...lets make the shittiest video of a UFO ever! And i respect them for that! However we also get some of these people who make video's thinking there will be someone who will actually it!!!

Ohhhh just fuck off. Not only does it look shit, graphics wise, they've taken the time to go 'Do you know what this video needs.....a shadow, it needs a bloody shadow' no it doesn't, it looked shit in the first place, now it looks worse and you just look stupid. There are 100s and 100s of these videos, no alien take over as of yet, i think we'll be okay!!


Refugees- This would be in a District 9 type scenario, aliens come down to earth searching for refuge and we basically take a huge advantage of them, take their weapons, use there bodies for medicine, meat.......sex? 


(side note) would i have sex with an alien, if i knew it was an alien??....


well i dont know about this one, if the aliens are like the ones that we commonly see, round head little body....No i wouldnt because ....well frankly greens not my colour, blue however....

Yep....yep yep yep yep. i'll gladly take one of those home, she's fit, you cant say she's not, sure she's got a nose like a cat and her ears are a bit high and pointy but oh my, she's got that aggression and animalistic lareyness that makes her sexy.


Sorry.... any way back to humans taking an alien race and exploiting them. This would be a mad and terrible thing, if you suppress something....it will rise up and do some damage (Colin Lomax, my history teacher taught me that, he is rarely wrong). This has been a lesson you would think man would of learnt, they wont have...you'll get the country leaders going...yeah take what we need from them then lets get rid of them. Let me lay down a rule here. 

If there is a kid in the play ground whose using toys you want, but you know if you take them his big brother will come over and kick the shit out of you, you don't take the toys, it's stupid to. 

Same with the aliens, don't take their shit or they will call the big guns in and we'll be fucked. so the lesson is....


DON'T FOOK ABOOT WITH THOSE FOOKING PRUANS.
(don't fuck about with those fucking prawns)

Right.... I believe I've babbled on enough for one session.


Enjoy it????? yeah I didn't think you would. 


As I always say though, you believe what you want. if you want to believe we're alone in the universe then believe it. but there is something out there and if you dont believe it then you'll end up coming roasted.


'What about religion James???'


Yeah there's little truth in that to be honest, you don't have to believe in that!

Peace And Love Jowlers

James