New Year.... New Chance To Dominate The World.
well i feel there is now a need. it's been too long since I've 'Spoken My Mind' on this mad world for all it's glory. My last written blog was 'The Real X-Men' which everyone hated. I looked at it and thought 'I've written quite well there, i've spoken about something that interests me' and nobody was interested. Go on, admit it because it was you, with your closed mind, that refused to read it. You and your closed mind. You don't want to know something scientific but you love to see me writing about how much Bruno Mars looks like Rick Astley. (i saw Rick Astley actually, funny story, turns out he's a lot like Alan Partridge these days).
Anyway, what i will say is this. 2012 will be a year of many things, love, laughter, friendship, honour, oh and the world is going to end. However 2011 was an interesting year. I met some of the most amazing people in Australia, rode the Incredible Hulk until i chaffed with James Tyrrell, Lost the shittest job i have ever had and hope to have and spent amazing time with my friends. (Shit I'm being sentimental, you guys don't like that sort of thing I forgot.)
Right, the other day i put out a status on Facebook asking what people would like to see me write about, i am true to my word so i shall write a small something about each item on the list...
Phallic Shaped Objects.
I searched for Phallic Shaped Objects on Google and it came straight up with Dildo's. I found this odd. I thought the first stop would be Freud, he bloody loved a good Phallic shape, although i imagine that it was more along the lines of his maid walked in on him looking at pictures of cocks and having to cover...
well i feel there is now a need. it's been too long since I've 'Spoken My Mind' on this mad world for all it's glory. My last written blog was 'The Real X-Men' which everyone hated. I looked at it and thought 'I've written quite well there, i've spoken about something that interests me' and nobody was interested. Go on, admit it because it was you, with your closed mind, that refused to read it. You and your closed mind. You don't want to know something scientific but you love to see me writing about how much Bruno Mars looks like Rick Astley. (i saw Rick Astley actually, funny story, turns out he's a lot like Alan Partridge these days).
Anyway, what i will say is this. 2012 will be a year of many things, love, laughter, friendship, honour, oh and the world is going to end. However 2011 was an interesting year. I met some of the most amazing people in Australia, rode the Incredible Hulk until i chaffed with James Tyrrell, Lost the shittest job i have ever had and hope to have and spent amazing time with my friends. (Shit I'm being sentimental, you guys don't like that sort of thing I forgot.)
Right, the other day i put out a status on Facebook asking what people would like to see me write about, i am true to my word so i shall write a small something about each item on the list...
Phallic Shaped Objects.
I searched for Phallic Shaped Objects on Google and it came straight up with Dildo's. I found this odd. I thought the first stop would be Freud, he bloody loved a good Phallic shape, although i imagine that it was more along the lines of his maid walked in on him looking at pictures of cocks and having to cover...
'Mr Freud, Sir, are dose picture of ze naked mens'
'Greta.... I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK!! Now you need not worry about zis. I ave a therm about how you.... will look at....a frankfurter, for example, and see one of these, lovely big cock'
but yeah Dildo's. A lot of girls own Dildo's. They say they don't but they quite clearly do. Being a man, i can honestly say that masturbation is a natural thing. Doing a natural thing is....well natural. So why do girls feel the need to lie about masturbating. When I say that I do it three times a day, I feel a sense of pride. You ask a girl how often she masturbates and she simply lies and says 'I never do that' She's a liar. She's probably done it that morning and is embarrassed by the fact that somehow you know and we do know. The pheromones on her fingers and under her nails make there way up to our nostrils and we instantly become horney and ask them about whether or not they do masturbate. When i was in sydney I met a girl, it was the first thing i asked her.....however she did have her fingers up my nose, it was the rich smell of blood that led me to think they'd been up her vagina. (just call me Sherlock) Anyway, didnt talk about Dildo's but lets move on.
Women's Rights
Jon Goudie put this one forward. He's such a great man. He's like awesome at everything. I saw this man call that he would throw a bottle across the room and into a hole in the bin and then do it with out a flinch. Great man, one of the best things i've ever seen. Anyway. Women's Rights. Women now have rights, they bloody love having rights as well. Bitter sweet really though because one thing less for them to moan about but some how they find more reasons to moan about it and it usually consists of 'We shouldnt have to do that, thats a mans job' I tell you what, if you want to the right to work down the mines, you get down there and work them.
I don't know what else to write about here really. I love women and i'm glad that they have rights. I quite like strong women, a woman who will take control and keep me in line. Rather than just be walked all over. As a side note...Jon if you wanted me to slag women off here then i'm afraid i can't. It's a woman's choice whether she swallows or not and not something that should simply be bet upon, WOMEN HAVE RIGHTS!
Also as a great man once said 'How can i hate women.....my mums one'
2012
2012 is a huge year in so many respects, London Olympics, The Dark Knight Rises, Cater on BBC Three (We Hope) but most importantly it will be the end of the world. (apparently) i dont know what to say about this. To be honest i dont think it will happen. i've heard many different things and one of those things is that it's simply the changing of the Aztec calender not the end of it. This means that there calender will simply start again. However there are other theories as well....
Aliens - Meh.... i dont know, would be nice i suppose, for nothing else but the conversation. Either that or it will mean a world wide battle between these aliens and us. i will now circle you back to a blog i have previously written..... The Concept Of An Alien Invasion (great little bit of self promotion)
Poles Switch Ends - this is just something I've heard, what it means is really confusing, it means that the tectonic plates shift in such a way that the magnetic poles switch and it sends us spinning off into the sun more or less. (Seriously watch the film 2012, it will explain this so much better than i would)
Asteroid - Big piece of rock comes from space and hits the earth. It will basically have the force of about 300 nuclear bombs. which i think pretty much means the end of the world, no Elijah Wood on a motor bike at the top of a mountain, no Bruce Willis blowing it up from the inside. Actually how great would that be, scientists know that we're fucked yet send all the people who have destroyed asteroids in Films up there to have a go at saving the earth FOR REAL.
anyway which ever way that all goes we'll probably not even know about it so we'll see what happens, any which way i would love for the planet to go to pot and us all go back to this.....
GAME OF THRONES.....best shit about. If the world goes to pot... get me a Sword made of Valyrian Steel and a Dire Wolf and i will be good to go!
Next....
3D TV's
This is a really hard thing to have an opinion on. 3D TV's were quite clearly the next step, how else were we meant to watch Avatar outside of the IMAX cinema's. You all know, or you will all know after reading my Alien Invasion Blog how much i love blue cat like chicks, to see them in 3D in the privacy of my own front room, well there we're going back to the details in the first section of the blog. Anyway there are alot of 3D playstation games now which makes gaming more incredible. I mean they're bringing Titanic out in 3D this year, women are going to go mental for a young bit of Leo in 3D.... they will need the TV's so they can see him sink to his demise over and over again.
Tag Team Wrestling
I don't know where to go with this one. So i searched it and i came up with this....
we'll leave it there.
Pants (And Why They're Important)
I dont really like pants. they are a bit tight and constricting. Recently though i think i may have found a need for them. i have discovered that fashion is quite cool and having lost a load of weight while i was away. (Yeah i look fucking awesome now bitches. if you havent seen me get ready to fall in love...that applies to girls and boys) however i've now found the need to wear fitting clothes. So I brought some pairs of straight fitting jeans and have found the need for slightly tighter fitting pants or else you will spend the majority of the day with them in your bowel. What i cant get over is the people who wear girls jeans, if anything i have respect for you, the ones i've got are so tight that i can barely bend down, what like must be like for you.... walking around peg legged. also i swear they must make womens jeans without a part for the penis which means your junk is crushed in the small amount of fabric you do have... your brave.
anyway pants.... i think the main reason for pant's or underware if your from anywhere else in the world, are purely a tool to stop shit particles from hitting your jeans when you fart... it's the same for boys and girls. When girls where thongs it's because they have tiny little arse holes which dont need that much covering up, yet still stop particles of shit.
Megan Knights Minge....
Not seen it..... so no comment.
Okay so that was a logistical nightmare. I'm not going to ask people what they think I should put in a blog again because it took so much time to write about them all. i think the blogs need to be more me slagging shit off and you bloody loving it, so we'll stick with that for next time.
as always....
you know you love me...
Gossip Girl....
No wait wrong blog,
Peace and Love Jowlers
James
